


can't you see it's me?

by canadiancop



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Soulmates, it's angsty at first but then it's all good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadiancop/pseuds/canadiancop
Summary: Alex Danvers is five years old when she realizes pain – to this extent, at least – isn’t normal. She’s five years old when she realizes that the stinging pain in her face or the gutted feeling in her stomach is because her soulmate is out there, somewhere, getting hurt.orthe one where alex and maggie are soulmates





	can't you see it's me?

**Author's Note:**

> tw for past child abuse  
> shout out to my amazing beta thescreamingbisexual on tumblr

Alex Danvers is five years old when she realizes pain – to this extent, at least – isn’t normal. She’s five years old when she realizes that the stinging pain in her face or the gutted feeling in her stomach is because her soulmate is out there, somewhere, getting hurt.

Her mother seems concerned, at first. Alex is three, and she cries for hours because her lip is split and bleeding. She wakes up the next day with a black eye, groaning about pain. Eliza steals worried glances at her daughter and whispers into Jeremiah’s ear for most of the day. She sits at her computer for hours, keeping Alex by her side in case anything else happens.

It takes a week for whoever had hurt her soulmate before to come back. Then, it’s in the form of a red, stinging cheek that Alex doesn’t complain about, not this time. Not much, anyway.

She hears her mom talk on the phone in a hushed voice in the kitchen that night.

“I think my daughter’s soulmate is being abused,” she says.

The voice on the other end said something that her mom sighs at.

“I know we don’t know who he is, but we need to find out how to help this boy.”

“Alexandra Danvers. She’s three.”

“You really can’t do anything?”

“Thanks for your help,” she says as she slams down the phone, but Alex doesn’t think she sounded very thankful at all.

She turns around to find Alex peeking around a corner, curiosity present on her face.

“Alex, honey! Why aren’t you in bed?”

“Who were you talking to?”

She pauses for a moment, like she is debating whether or not she should tell Alex, but she doesn’t. “No one. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Alex obeys.

~

As the years go on, her bruises become less obvious to the public. Her bruises go from her face to her abdomen, her thighs. She thinks whoever is doing this to her soulmate is getting smarter – or maybe they just feel the need to hide. They probably don’t want anyone asking questions.

The first time she feels her connection to her soulmate as anything but painful and unpleasant, she’s twelve, and it’s almost midnight. She’s been trying to fall asleep for what seems like hours, but she can’t. There’s a big test at school the next day, and Alex needs to do well. Her mother will be so disappointed if she doesn’t.

She thinks she’s finally starting to fall asleep when she feels… something. It’s light and tingly and she fidgets around in her bed, trying to figure out what it is. The feeling only gets more intense in the next few minutes, and Alex can hear her breathing pick up, like she’s exercising. Eventually, the feeling gets so intense that she feels like she’s going to burst, and then she does. She feels calm, after the fact, and she wonders what the hell just happened. She figures that when she finally meets her soulmate, she’ll have to thank him for that.

~

In her freshman year of high school, the bruises stop coming. They stop with a bang – the worst beating she’s ever had – and then there are no more. She waits for days, weeks, but none ever come, and she thinks maybe her soulmate has turned eighteen and moved out. (God, how she can’t wait to do that.)

Instead of getting beaten, she gets bloodied knuckles. They bruise, and Alex thinks maybe her soulmate is getting in fights. She wonders, not for the first time, what he’s like. She wonders if he flinches when people raise their voices, if he’s soft and cautious, or if he’s rough. She wonders when she’ll meet him and what he’ll think of her.

She dates a few guys in high school. She doesn’t feel a spark with any of them, but they’re kind, and they want to make her happy, so she accepts. She knows in her gut that none of them are her soulmate. She thinks, when she meets him, she’ll know immediately.

~

She gets accepted to Stanford Medical School when she turns twenty-two, and she moves down there to study immediately. Her mother tells her constantly how proud she is of her, how proud her father would be.

Her soulmate has stopped bloodying his knuckles. The only reason she knows he’s still there is because he still drinks hot drinks too fast so they scald her tongue. She’s grateful that he’s not being hurt anymore – or hurting anyone else – but she wonders when she’ll meet him. 

She focuses on her studies.

~

When she’s twenty-five years old, she gets recruited for the FBI by a man named J’onn J’onzz. He’s rough around the edges, distant in the way that Alex knows means he’s lost too many people, but he’s nice to her. He trains her in combat, and she bruises like she did when she was young, but it feels different. She hopes her soulmate can tell that the bruises that must be forming on his body are not from abuse like the ones before.

She learns how to fire a gun, and she can tell her mother is disappointed.

(“You had such promise in the medical field, Alexandra. You could have been a great surgeon, one day.”

“I’m protecting people, Mom. I thought you’d be proud of me.”

“I am proud, God, you don’t think I’m proud? This just isn’t what you’re meant to do.”)

~

She turns twenty-seven a few weeks before she meets Maggie Sawyer. She’s at a bar (Isn’t she always at a bar?) and some douche in a snapback is hitting on her.

“Hmm,” he hums as he snakes his fingers down her back. “What’s a pretty lady like you doing all alone tonight?”

Alex shakes him off. “Drinking.”

“Without me?”

“Yup.” She takes a gulp of her beer.          

He laughs and sits down on the barstool next to her. “Why don’t we fix that? I’m Jared. And you are?”

“Not interested.”

“Sassy. I like it." 

“You know, I’m actually waiting for someone. Can you move?”

He raises his eyebrows. “You don’t want me here?”

“No. Please leave.”

He grabs her wrist and pulls her close, lips by her ear. “Are you sure you don’t want me?”

Alex is about to tell him to fuck off if he doesn’t want a black eye, but then a woman in a leather jacket is putting her arm around her and saying, “Babe, who’s this guy?”

The man lets go of Alex’s wrist. “Who’s this?”

“Her girlfriend,” says the woman. “Who are you?”

Jared laughs. “Oh, that’s why you weren’t interested.”

Alex just nods and puts her arm around the woman. “Yeah. I’m in a relationship.” 

“Well, I know when I’m not welcome,” he says. (Alex thinks, do you really?) “I’ll see you around.”

Alex doesn’t say anything until he’s long gone.

“Thanks,” she says, eventually.

“No problem,” says the woman, taking her arm out from around Alex. “Guys like that are awful.”

“You’re telling me,” says Alex, laughing.

Alex can feel the woman staring at her before she says, “I’m Maggie, by the way. Maggie Sawyer.”

“Alex Danvers.”

“Nice to meet you, Danvers,” says Maggie, smiling.

Alex plans to tell her that she’s going to continue drinking alone, plans to tell her thanks, but she wants to be on her own, plans to sit by herself drinking overpriced beer, but she doesn’t. Instead, she says, “Can I buy you a drink? I’ve got to repay you somehow for saving me from him.”

Maggie nods. “Sure. It was no problem, though. Really.” She hops up on the barstool that Jared was just on.

“Maybe not, but I don’t know what I would have done without you.” (She’s lying – she knows what she would have done. She would have told him to get lost another few times, and if that didn’t work, she’d kick his ass. But Maggie is smiling and blushing, so Alex figures it can’t be that much of a crime to lie.)

“Glad I could be of service, Danvers.”

Alex orders another beer for Maggie, who thanks her and puts her hand around the cap, trying to twist it off. Alex knows the exact second that she fails, because pain rushes to her hand. Maggie hisses at the same time Alex does, pulling her hand away from the bottle and saying, “Damn, it cut me.”

Alex’s heart races. She stuffs her hand in her pocket and says, “I have to go.”

“What?” asks Maggie. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no. I just remembered I have to do something. Bye.”

~

She doesn’t go back to the bar for two weeks. She says it’s because she’s busy with work – but it’s not. She hasn’t returned to the bar because she thinks she’ll find Maggie there. Maggie, who seems to be her soulmate, but can’t be because she’s a woman and Alex is not gay. Sure, she never really liked being with men, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like them at all. She’s not gay.

When she finally does go back, Maggie is there at the same barstool that she sat on with Alex the first night they met. Alex tries to avoid her eyes, but Maggie notices her anyway.

“Danvers!” she says. “Where have you been?”

“Busy. Work’s really running me down.”

“Come over. Let me buy you a beer.”

Alex hesitates. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course! Come on.” Maggie pats the barstool next to her. “Sit down.”

Alex does, and she can feel her heart beat out of her chest. 

“One beer for my friend over here,” Maggie says to the bartender, who nods.

“Friend?”

“Well, of course. You bought me alcohol, which makes us friends in my book.”

“I guess that makes us friends in my book, too.”

~

They meet every Friday at the bar, at the same barstools.

“Hey, Danvers,” says Maggie.

Alex replies, “Hey, Sawyer.”

They order beers and sit for the first couple minutes in silence until Alex has had enough liquid courage to start up another conversation.

“How was your day?” asks Alex. 

“Fine.” Maggie pauses, reconsidering. “Actually, it wasn’t fine. It sucked. My ex-girlfriend came to the station and yelled at me.”

Alex feels her breath hitch. “Ex-girlfriend?”

Maggie just laughs. “Yeah, girlfriend. Look at me. Do I look like a straight girl?”

Alex splutters. “I don’t– I mean, maybe– I’m not sure–”

“Relax, Danvers. I’m just messing with you. Yeah, my ex-girlfriend. She was really… intense, shall we say? We broke up a little while ago. Right after I met you, actually.” Maggie doesn’t make eye contact.

“Why’d you break up?”

Maggie hesitates. “She wasn’t my soulmate.”

Alex’s heart skips a beat. “Your soulmate.”

“Yeah. I haven’t met her yet.” She waits for a moment, like she’s considering whether or not to say something. “Have you met your soulmate yet?”

“My soulmate?” Alex shakes her head a little too fast. “Nope. He’s – they’re still out there.”

Maggie doesn’t comment on the switch to a gender neutral pronoun. “Here’s to hoping we find them soon,” she says, pulling her beer close to Alex’s to clink the glasses together.

“Yeah,” says Alex. “Here’s to hoping.”

~

The first time they meet for coffee is a Thursday morning, when Maggie has texted that she can’t come to the bar on Friday. Maggie is already there when Alex arrives, and she’s already ordered her drink.

“Danvers!” says Maggie, smiling.

“Sawyer,” Alex returns.

“I’m really glad you asked me to coffee, since I can’t be at the bar tomorrow. I’m working late on a case with my partner.”

“’A case?’ Is that code for sex?”

Maggie shoves her. “Shut up, Danvers. You know I meant my work partner.”

Alex just laughs. “Yeah, I did.”

A barista calls out Maggie’s name and holds out two black coffees.

“Black coffee?” asks Alex. “Really?”

“What, you expected me to get some fruity vanilla shit?”

“I guess not. You do have the reputation of a badass cop to uphold.”

“Says the fed. I figured you wouldn’t want fruity vanilla shit either,” says Maggie, holding out one of the coffees.

Alex takes it and smiles. “You figured correctly.”

Maggie takes a large gulp of her coffee and Alex feels her tongue burn. “Fuck,” says Maggie. “It’s still hot.”

“Why do you always drink it before it’s cool?”

Maggie furrows her brows. “How do you know I always drink it before it’s cool?”

Alex freezes. “What? No reason. You just… seem like the kind of person to do that.”

Maggie tilts her head, but Alex just smiles back, and eventually she lets it drop. “I should’ve guessed you’d read my mind, Danvers.”

~

The Friday after Christmas is the first day where they get to talking about real things. It’s been two months since they first met, and Alex is still pretending that Maggie isn’t her soulmate. (How could she be? Maybe the universe made some sort of mistake.)

Maggie walks into the bar with her shoulders hung.

“Maggie!” says Alex, before she realizes the mood that Maggie is in. “What’s wrong?”

Maggie shakes her head. “Nothing, Danvers.” 

Alex gives her a playful shove as she sits down on the barstool. “What, you didn’t get the pony you wanted for Christmas?”

Maggie doesn’t laugh.

“What happened? Big fight with your family?” Alex sighs. “I know all about that. My mom is awful at Christmas time.”

Maggie shakes her head. “I don’t really see my family, anymore.”

Alex wants to kick herself. Of course Maggie doesn’t see her family. Who does Alex think gave her all those bruises growing up?

“I’m sorry.” She pauses before saying, “Why not?”

Maggie doesn’t say anything for a moment.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s okay.” She takes a deep breath. “They weren’t great to me. My life at home wasn’t good, and then they found out I was gay when I was fourteen, and they kicked me out.”

So that’s why the beatings stopped coming.

“I’m sorry, Maggie.”

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago.”

Alex puts her hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “Still. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Danvers.” She brushes Alex’s hand off of her shoulder and takes a sip of her beer. “The real issue here is why you would think I’d want a pony when I could get a full-grown horse.”

~

Maggie gets hit on a lot at the bar. It’s not surprising, Alex thinks. Of course she gets hit on. She’s beautiful. This particular Friday, though, this one girl just won’t quit.

“What’s your name, hot stuff?” she asks. If she got any closer to Maggie she’d be on her lap.

Maggie looks to Alex for help, so Alex says, “We’re actually kind of busy right now.” (Alex tries not to let the jealousy she’s feeling shine through in her voice.)

The girl just narrows her eyes at Alex. “And you are? What, her girlfriend?”

Alex splutters. “What? No. Girlfriend? Pfft.”

The girl doesn’t look convinced. “Really?”

“Nope. Definitely not a girlfriend.”

Maggie says nothing.

The girl looks back over at Maggie and says, “So that means you’re single.”

“I mean, technically, I guess…”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I did this?”

The girl plants a kiss on Maggie’s lips. Maggie is pulling away and saying things like, “Hey, woah, no thanks,” and looking at Alex, but Alex knows what Maggie felt: pleasure. She knows it because she felt it, too.

Alex stands up and bites her lip, trying not to cry. “I’m gonna go.”

“Danvers, wait,” says Maggie, pushing the girl away, but Alex is far enough away that she can pretend not to hear, so she does.

~

It takes her a full day, but at 11:47 pm on Saturday, she’s standing in front of the door to Maggie’s apartment. 

She wonders for a moment if she should knock. This was probably a bad idea, anyway. She could leave right now and Maggie would never know she was here. _No,_ she thinks, _I’m here for a reason_. She brings her hand up to the door and knocks.

“Coming!” says Maggie. She opens the door. “Alex? What are you doing here?”

Alex takes a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for leaving when that girl kissed you.”

Maggie nods. “It’s fine. It was weird, I know, but I’m glad you’re here now.” A pause. “Why are you here now?”

“I have to tell you something.” She doesn’t continue.

“What is it?”

“It’s something… important.”

“I figured that. What do you have to tell me?”

Alex closes her eyes. Now or never, right? “I’m your soulmate.” She doesn’t wait for Maggie to say anything before she pinches herself, leaving half moons on her arm from where her nails dug in to the skin. She looks over at Maggie’s arm, which holds the same markings.

Maggie looks down. “Ow.”

“Sorry, I just had to tell you. I’m your soulmate.”

Whatever Alex thinks Maggie is going to say next, she doesn’t. “So we’re finally talking about this?”

Alex’s jaw drops. “Wait, what? You knew?”

Maggie grins. “No duh, Danvers.”

“How?”

“First there was the whole thing where seeing you made me feel like everything was right with the world.”

“First? What was second?”

“Second was that I cut my hand on the beer cap and I saw the same cut on your hand before you shoved it in your pocket.”

Alex opens her mouth to say something, but closes it. “You knew?”

“Yeah, Danvers. I knew.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.” She pauses. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“Good. Because I’d really like to kiss you, if that’s okay?”

Alex just smiles. “Yeah. That’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me at maggiesawyering.tumblr.com


End file.
